Doggy Love

For those who know what it feels like to have a dog to call one’s own, there is nothing better than walking through the front door after a day’s work and seeing a furiously wagging tail and barks of love. Just drop the bag and get showed in licks of love as you are pounded by a ball of warmth.

I love Dogs. There is no doubt that they are my most favourite mammals in the world! I have been fortunate enough to have grown up in the company of great friends, many of them dogs (pun intended!). When I look back at childhood, there was Kitty at my ancestral place in Coochbehar. She’d drink tea, love to go to walks with us kids, she just loved all of us. I have so many beautiful memories with her.

Jespa arrived from Nepal when I was in class 8. My life changed instantaneously, ‘coz here was someone who needed to be cared for and loved and attended to and who’d give back so much more. Jespa was a gem, from saving my bicycle from being stolen to irritating people I loathed, She always knew what the situation demanded. But it was 2 years later when I really felt a divine connection between man and canine.

 When I first held little scamper in my palms (she’d fit into my palms, she was so small then!), I had only hoped that life would be a dream, growing up with her. 10 years on, life has been a dream with her by my side. On the very first day, I took her to our school ground and she took to the name “ball”. Running around like crazy, barking at the crows, little Scamper brought big smiles on my little face. In the chilly winter of North Bengal, She’d sleep with Mom, tangled within her hair, fast asleep. Jespa loved her like a big sister and Scamper in return was jealous of Jespa! My life was perfect.

Scamper had a dislike for cats from childhood, one “meow” and She’d turn into the angry hulk. Jespa on the other hand, showed examples of compassion worth speaking of; we’d often find her sharing her meal with the same cat, eating together from the same plate. She’d rest on Jespa’s tummy and Jespa would pet her and care for her. Scamper was furious with all these and resorted to letting everyone know how she felt. We had developed a unique understanding of our two furred friend; when Scamper barked, it was obviously some animal hanging around where as Jespa’s bark was more serious, it had to be someone mysterious at the gate.

When I joined college after school, I would only come home at the weekends. Scamper and Jespa would go crazy and I had to spend quality time with them both before I was even allowed entrance to my room. Unless both had licked my face pale and I was full of dog saliva, I would never be spared. After that of course, I couldn’t enter my room either, the washroom had to come first!

But nothing perfect lasts forever and so, suddenly Jespa was no more. I was heartbroken. As I would be sitting lonely, Scamper would come and sit with me, with her head on my lap, occasionally licking me to let me know that she was sad too. She had already helped me recover from the first loss of a kin when she was months old and years later, Scamper helped me get over the sorrows of losing Jespa.

Scamper has grown old and is weak now, She misses me a whole lot more than I miss her. Ever since I left home, first for Bhutan and now so far away in Guwahati, She has aged with time. Missing her has been something I could not get accustomed to yet. It’s frustrating how I cannot communicate with her when I’m out of sight. I know that she is sitting outside, with her eyes on the front gate, waiting patiently to see my familiar face. Every day I know she waits for me and I wish to run to her, hold her in my arms, but life has made me helpless. I can only wait for the day when I run back home and be with her.

I feel I have left the best times behind, golden moments which are forever memories now. I cannot go back to the time, but thankfully I have a lot of wonderful reminiscences to last this lifetime. Sometimes when I close my eyes I can see the bright sunny afternoons of my childhood, brighter than usual with Scamper and Jespa by my side. Someday we shall meet again, the 3 of us shall be together, for wherever my afterlife takes me, it has to be with them.

I wish to take this space to remember all of my friends, Dolly, Puchu, Tommy, Kalu, Jacky, JoJo, Beauty. It might look like I’m making a list of funny names for the lay man, but for me and many of my human friends, they are a part of a very special childhood, a time which would have been so much different without them.

Music and Emotions

What are emotions? Scientifically these are hormones gone wild, technically they are all about bodily senses and bodily sensors, signal and receiver, all biological. But what about what we feel? I have been through strange emotional turmoil in the process of growing up for the obvious reason – Love! Everyone should fall in love I feel, just to experience these feelings of strangeness. How depression can make you skip dinner or get you drenched in rain without you even feeling it. But why do we feel sad? Why do we cry? How can we love and hate the same person the most in the world? I wish I knew.

I am a very emotional person, I cry while watching every other movie. I feel emptiness in my stomach every time something bad happens. Something as little as missing home brings tears to my eyes. Right now all I can do is write in my blog about it, but I might have to visit a psychiatrist soon!

Music triggers my emotion like very few people can. Sadness means listening to depressing numbers, when I’m happy I listen to high (James Blunt!) numbers. And when I’m feeling like crap, I think of the capped bugger and how I’d rather feel like crap than listen to his nasal music!

No matter what people say, there’s a pleasure in sadness. There is a certain unexplained satisfaction somewhere inside when we are low; in fact, when it comes to being in love, we tend to enjoy the feelings of depression. I feel sadness is the best emotion one can feel. The feeling when your gut seems empty, tear ducts are working overtime, your eyes are wet and finally, the first drop of tear floats down your cheeks, is, in one word, heavenly. Someone who has never felt this has been deprived of the best feeling in the word.

It is hard to cry. For someone like me, motivation is prerequisite. Usually it’s a song that brings back wonderful memories or a really touchy movie that makes my day. Sometimes it so happens that I am engulfed in misery and yet tears won’t come. That is the worst part, you want to cry, but the tears won’t come (Rod Steward!). It happens to me, I feel drenched in pain and yet my eyes are dry. Emergency! Instantly Windows Media Player starts. I probably start with James Blunt – Second Chance, or maybe Kitni Baatein (sung by Hariharan and Sadhna Sargam, OST – Lakshya) or Akhri Alvida by Strings (OST – Shootout At Lokhandwala). There’s always Cry by James Blunt, which is so smooth and enticing (If you want to, talk about what will be, come and sit with me, Cry - on my shoulder, I’m a friend). Here’s a list of few lesser known lacrimal gland inducers of my choice:

1. ·         Second Chance – James Blunt (OST – P.S. I Love You)
2. ·         Kitni Baatein – Hariharan & Sadhna (OST – Lakshya)
3. ·         Akhri Alvida – Strings (OST – Shootout At Lokhandwala)
4. ·         Goodbye My Lover – James Blunt
5. ·         Ab Naa Jaa – Euphoria
6. ·         Apitaf – Aurthohin
7. ·         Melt the Snow – Shane Ward
8. ·         Heaven (Unplugged) – Bryan Adams
9. ·         Whisky Lullaby – Brad Praisley
10. ·         Forgiveness – Eagles
11. ·         The Girl from Yesterday – Eagles
12. ·         Bholajaina – Nochiketa (OST – Jackpot)

It’s not just about the music of these songs; it’s mostly about their lyrics. They churn your feelings if you try to realise.

But time is the best eraser, like they all say. With time we forget everything, every pain, every distress. There was a time when you might not be able to imagine life without that special person in your life, but with time, you learn to accept their absence, you take the pain for so long that it hurts no more; instead you smile with your pains. And one fine day, it’s all gone, like they never existed. Instead they come back to us at varied frequencies, suddenly after months we feel their absence once, and after maybe an hour or hardly a day of remembrance, they are gone again. This is because, sadness maybe sweet, but it is a temporary emotion, and happiness prevails. We are not meant to be sad, this world will stop if everyone holds on to their losses and ceases to be happy.

Beautiful dawn - You're just blowing my mind again.
Thought I was born to endless night, until you shine.
High; running wild among all the stars above..... High by James Blunt (Listen to the song....)