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Moving on

I have been pondering over my next blog article for quite some time now. My emotional instability during this period vetoed me from concentrating on my blog. But I needed to take a break from all that and return to my passion despite the fact that a lot was changing in my life. Summing up all courage remotely available within me, I decided to emphasize on what a part of my life felt like, as I was finally walking alone.
Moving on is strange. You are always hoping that with each day, things will get easier, but there’s like a small cloud of sorrow over your head all the time and it’s always raining tears. And then, suddenly you get tired of the rain and long for a little sunshine. For the first time in days, you want to move forward and leave the pains behind. So you think all’s done and dusted and you are ready to start a new life. What is behind has been left behind and you are all ready to look ahead with renewed vigor and enthusiasm. The laughter and fun seem to be back, again, with old friends and new. You have moved on; or so you think.
The lengthy forgetting process seems suddenly over, abruptly, and the mind seems to be recuperating. All of a sudden, after days of brooding over, reading old mails and letters, filling draft folders with unsent messages and emails, suddenly the desire is gone. The number’s still in the back of your mind all the time, but the yearning to call is lessening by the day. You decide to take the next step ahead and delete all the photographic memories and even that process doesn’t hurt much. You feel fresh, you feel… Awesome…
Everything is fine, until again, emotions keep mounding up with time. It generally starts with an old piece of memory, a song, a movie, almost anything that reminds us of what we left behind. Somehow, unknowingly, we are again walking down the memory lane. And all of a sudden, it’s too much to hold back. Neither boozing nor fagging helps then. One fine morning you get up and realize it’s been days since you heard that sweet voice, held those heavenly hands and the emptiness is back again. You are back to square one and the process starts again. When this vicious circle ends is something I’m yet to know.
Like most of my posts, there’s always a musical reference… Some of my favorite English songs (there are plenty of Hindi/Bengali ones we all know of) which could make one realize that he is yet to recover are:
  • ·         Christmases when you were mine – Taylor Swift
  • ·         Back to December – Taylor Swift
  • ·         Put a record on – Unkle Bob
  • ·         Teardrops on my guitar – Taylor Swift
  • ·         Here without you – 3 Doors Down
  • ·         Don’t know you anymore – Savage Garden
  • ·         Heaven Unplugged – Bryan Adams
  • ·         Forgiveness - Eagles
  • ·         Second chance – James Blunt
  • ·         The reason – Hoobastank
  • ·         Fifteen –Taylor Swift
  • ·         What If – Kate Winslet
  • ·         Tonight I wanna cry – Keith Urban

These songs are beautiful, but at times I wish and wish I had never come across them. Sometimes it’s out of your hands to make things right. You can just sit back, lie on your bed the whole day. Sometimes hope is not an option and then you are staying alive, arbitrary and lonely. It’s then you realize that life is too unpredictable; there might be a fun in not knowing what comes next, but there’s no pleasure in not knowing what to do to be okay.
Thankfully, for all the unpredictability in the world, there’s always a friend with a direction sign. Even though their novel recuperating ideas don’t always work, in some silly and warm way, they constantly manage to touch your heart and do stuffs to make you feel normal for a split second. And you realize there’s only way to move on. It’s by holding hands of your true friends. This write up is dedicated to all my good buddies who helped me stay intact and nullified any disintegration process arising within me. Thanks for being by my side when I needed you all the most yet couldn’t summon up the courage to say so. And thanks for helping me return to blogging.

Comments

  1. AnonymousDecember 2, 2011 at 10:11 PM

    'viscous cycle of "moving on" '.... very invigorating n touching..!!
    this very article has furnished me some fresh ideas about life, memories, pain,n 'moving on'..

    ReplyDelete
  2. DeepungsuDecember 2, 2011 at 10:39 PM

    thank you, ma'am.. Nice to know that you liked it

    ReplyDelete

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