Skip to main content

Moving on

I have been pondering over my next blog article for quite some time now. My emotional instability during this period vetoed me from concentrating on my blog. But I needed to take a break from all that and return to my passion despite the fact that a lot was changing in my life. Summing up all courage remotely available within me, I decided to emphasize on what a part of my life felt like, as I was finally walking alone.
Moving on is strange. You are always hoping that with each day, things will get easier, but there’s like a small cloud of sorrow over your head all the time and it’s always raining tears. And then, suddenly you get tired of the rain and long for a little sunshine. For the first time in days, you want to move forward and leave the pains behind. So you think all’s done and dusted and you are ready to start a new life. What is behind has been left behind and you are all ready to look ahead with renewed vigor and enthusiasm. The laughter and fun seem to be back, again, with old friends and new. You have moved on; or so you think.
The lengthy forgetting process seems suddenly over, abruptly, and the mind seems to be recuperating. All of a sudden, after days of brooding over, reading old mails and letters, filling draft folders with unsent messages and emails, suddenly the desire is gone. The number’s still in the back of your mind all the time, but the yearning to call is lessening by the day. You decide to take the next step ahead and delete all the photographic memories and even that process doesn’t hurt much. You feel fresh, you feel… Awesome…
Everything is fine, until again, emotions keep mounding up with time. It generally starts with an old piece of memory, a song, a movie, almost anything that reminds us of what we left behind. Somehow, unknowingly, we are again walking down the memory lane. And all of a sudden, it’s too much to hold back. Neither boozing nor fagging helps then. One fine morning you get up and realize it’s been days since you heard that sweet voice, held those heavenly hands and the emptiness is back again. You are back to square one and the process starts again. When this vicious circle ends is something I’m yet to know.
Like most of my posts, there’s always a musical reference… Some of my favorite English songs (there are plenty of Hindi/Bengali ones we all know of) which could make one realize that he is yet to recover are:
  • ·         Christmases when you were mine – Taylor Swift
  • ·         Back to December – Taylor Swift
  • ·         Put a record on – Unkle Bob
  • ·         Teardrops on my guitar – Taylor Swift
  • ·         Here without you – 3 Doors Down
  • ·         Don’t know you anymore – Savage Garden
  • ·         Heaven Unplugged – Bryan Adams
  • ·         Forgiveness - Eagles
  • ·         Second chance – James Blunt
  • ·         The reason – Hoobastank
  • ·         Fifteen –Taylor Swift
  • ·         What If – Kate Winslet
  • ·         Tonight I wanna cry – Keith Urban

These songs are beautiful, but at times I wish and wish I had never come across them. Sometimes it’s out of your hands to make things right. You can just sit back, lie on your bed the whole day. Sometimes hope is not an option and then you are staying alive, arbitrary and lonely. It’s then you realize that life is too unpredictable; there might be a fun in not knowing what comes next, but there’s no pleasure in not knowing what to do to be okay.
Thankfully, for all the unpredictability in the world, there’s always a friend with a direction sign. Even though their novel recuperating ideas don’t always work, in some silly and warm way, they constantly manage to touch your heart and do stuffs to make you feel normal for a split second. And you realize there’s only way to move on. It’s by holding hands of your true friends. This write up is dedicated to all my good buddies who helped me stay intact and nullified any disintegration process arising within me. Thanks for being by my side when I needed you all the most yet couldn’t summon up the courage to say so. And thanks for helping me return to blogging.

Comments

  1. AnonymousDecember 2, 2011 at 10:11 PM

    'viscous cycle of "moving on" '.... very invigorating n touching..!!
    this very article has furnished me some fresh ideas about life, memories, pain,n 'moving on'..

    ReplyDelete
  2. DeepungsuDecember 2, 2011 at 10:39 PM

    thank you, ma'am.. Nice to know that you liked it

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Let me know how you felt about this post

Popular posts from this blog

How am I doing, actually?

For past 10 months, a lot of people have been asking me how I have been. And I’ve always maintained that I’m fine. But I guess it’s time I brush aside those fake one-liners and honestly ask myself, “ How am I doing, actually?” I thought I would give up blogging after Baba passed away. Yet here I am, remembering Him, and trying to make a comeback of sorts. I remember how He always encouraged me to write, saying that it was important to have different aspects of one’s life, and not just work till you drop. How do you cope with life after losing that pillar of your world? How do you get a grip on yourself and try to fix your messed up life? How do you take that step ahead, knowing that now there’s no one to fall back to if you make a mistake? Simple, You don’t. There’s no written protocol, no Standard Operating Procedure. Like they say, life simply doesn’t come with an instruction manual. I remember I used to have a decent life, not a care in life, no worries. I had my pare...
6 comments
Read more

2441139

“Hello, 2441139, Can you hear me, Bela Bose?” Anjan Dutta sang this song a decade back. And yet, to some people like me, it still rings a bell deep inside. Although the original song is quite pacy, Mr. Dutta performed an acoustic version sometime back, with his son, Neel, which really melts the heart. This song has a special memory of my childhood. As a child, we always look at things at a different perspective. We seldom realise the intensity of the moment. “2441139” was a fun song for me and my cousins in Coochbehar. We play the song until the last part, where Anjan Dutt repeated sings “Hello, 2441139; Hello, 2441139....” We would dial 2-4-4-1-1 (back those days, telephone number used to be of 5 digits). An old lady would pick up the phone and we would bring the receiver close to the speaker of the stereo and Anjan Dutt would do the rest. “Hello 2441139, Hello 2441139...” Then it was growing up and stages of infatuations, understanding love and finally, falling in love. Unless ...
8 comments
Read more

A Letter to Dog-Heaven

How do you communicate with the departed? What if there’s no last meeting, what if You are 2 days late? In a first of its kind in my blog, I’m writing a letter to Dog-Heaven, where my beloved angel is probably spreading her love and her laughter… Dear Scamper, It’s been two months now, but I think of You every day. You are always in my mind. I’m sorry I couldn’t write to You earlier. I am sad. I am still gutted but I understand why You left my side. You have been fighting illness for the past 2 years and more, to the point where finally You had to give in. I am still hollow today, hurt beyond imagination at this loss. But don’t worry too hard, dear, I’ll make it through. I remember the first time I saw You, I remember it so clearly that I feel younger right this moment. I go back roughly 12 and a half years , that enchanting morning when the quirky 14 year old version of me rushed into the living room and saw You sitting solemnly in a little box. You little face was puzzled...
4 comments
Read more

3 Idiots to 100 crore Idiots!

Next time someone calls me an Idiot, I’ll be glad! This exactly was my reaction after watching “3 Idiots”. The movie brings in different kinds of realisation into you. What I realised are: • We all need good friends to survive and stay alive. Friendship is more than having fun and hanging out, it’s standing up for one another. This movie makes me realise how lucky I am to have people who are always there for me, but more than that, it makes me sit back and wonder, am I that good a friend? That question, unfortunately is for someone else to answer! • Amir Khan is the best, simply the best performer there is! Be it is Bhuvan from Lagaan, ASP Rathod from Sarfarosh, Akash from Dil Chahta Hain, Nikumbh Sir from Taare Zameen Par or Rancho from 3 Idiots, He has done it all. Playing a college student when he’s 44, that’s a “Chamatkar” (couldn’t refer to the * word from 3 Idiots, this is a family blog!). I was a Amir Khan fan for as long as I remember and in 3 Idiots, he made me so glad and won...
2 comments
Read more

Marriage Anniversaries, Time and Tide

  Match made in heaven, but perfected on Earth. Those who say Time and Tide wait for none are probably bachelors. Because married people will know that Mr. Time and Mr. Tide have to wait for their Mrs. Mr. Time will have to wait while the missus chooses a dress. Mr. Tide will have to sit solemnly with his wife and wait while she shops for new clothes. The bachelors of the world are unlikely to be abreast of such wisdom. It is only the married masses who have been enlightened with this resourceful information. I'm sure my married pals will agree. In private, of course. Interestingly, on this day, ten years ago, I registered my name among the enlightened bunch, the patient waiters. Sumita was officially promoted to the position of my better half. We were locked in wedlock, all set to face the world hand in hand. I used to imagine that sharing a house with me would be fun, but have, over time, realized that such a statement might not be entirely true. I do have a penchant fo...
5 comments
Read more

Contact Form

Name

Email *

Message *